B"H
my personal journey towards this present and the near future is a product of a great past. i began to "see" G!d in the "presence" of the Tetragrammaton in this mode. G!d blessed be He encompassed the past and is the present and will be the future.
the beginning of my puberty is also a spiritual a complete turn around of my spirituality inside me. this certain curiosity about the Bible (specifically the Christian Bible) plus the introduction to religion spring boarded me to a new questions. questions like is Christianity (the path i was before) really my path to G!d? is this the Truth/truth? do i believe in a personal G!d or a more "mature" idea of G!d - a la Kaplan like? honestly until now my understanding of these matters continue to evolve but most importantly matures.
i do "struggle with G!D" and most of the times when i am reminded of this struggle i see the archetype Israel or Jacob struggling with G!D. i could remember in his story that his path to G!d was revealed in Bethel when he dreams of a stairway leading to G!d with his angels going up and down to earth. Then suddenly wakes up and realizes that G!d is in this place (Bethel). Rabbi D. Ariel accurately captures this in his book "Spiritual Judaism" the way i personally interpret the story. Jacob, my struggle and might be anyone's struggle in the path to G!d and his purpose in life is a way of realizing and reawakening that G!d is HERE! He permeates the universe and continues with the creation until know and the future. man being in His image and His likeness and also in his purpose of being the caretaker is a part of the ongoing creation.
this so called "radical amazement" is what that makes my heart lifts in joy every time the L-rd wakes me up in the morning, my every breath, interact my fellow human beings and when he "restores my peace as i lie my head down." Blessed be He
